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ISE Columnist Sharon Vollman, Editorial Director

Wi-Fi Entitled

March 1, 2020
The heat wasn’t working when we woke this morning. (It was 50 degrees in our house.) I rolled over, turned on my iPhone, and attempted to use our Nest app […]

The heat wasn’t working when we woke this morning. (It was 50 degrees in our house.) I rolled over, turned on my iPhone, and attempted to use our Nest app to regulate the Alaskan-like air surrounding me. Power was on. Wi-Fi was out.

It was cold. Played paper/rock/scissors with Hubby until I won and he got up to manually turn on the heat. When he brought heat back into our lives, it was like man found fire for the first time. We ooh-ed and ahh-ed while waiting for our world to defrost.

It did after 15 minutes. But, still no Wi-Fi. (Harrumph!)

I opted to stay under the warm quilt until it was at least 65 degrees. All the while, I pouted about my smart house denying me. I couldn’t indulge in my morning wake-up ritual of checking email, weather, news, calendar, and IG (that’s Instagram to us old folks who don’t know the right acronyms for anything).

Coffee maker wasn’t K-cupping caffeine because there was no Wi-Fi. Ring was offline so I couldn’t see if Amazon had delivered my paper towels yet. Home security camera, Canary, wasn’t chirping to show me our familiar dust-bunny trespassers. And, the new Roomba I received for the holidays was on strike.

Twenty minutes later, I flung back the quilt, put my fuzzy slippers on, stomped to my desk, and called my ISP. I explained to the CSR that I worked from home and this Wi-Fi-not-working-thing was unacceptable. They told me they were working to resolve an outage and it shouldn’t be long before the Internet/Wi-Fi was working again.

After I hung up, my imagination took me places I shouldn’t go.

Figure 1. THE bird.

Perhaps, a problem with the tower near the edge of our neighborhood caused the outage? (See Figure 1.) Perhaps squatter bird hosted a fowl party last evening, and one of its disruptive bird guests brought a hungry squirrel as a date. Cable was the appetizer.

Yes, I have a vivid imagination. Can you blame me? It’s been nearly an hour without a connection. Without Wi-Fi, how can I get ANYTHING done?!

Except count the problems this bird has caused! My Editor’s Note will be tardy due to bird and friends. My bills will post late since bird won’t allow me to access my bank’s online portal. Dinner will be non-existent because I can’t use Grub Hub without Wi-Fi. (No judging, people. Making food is so 1990s.)

You’ve read this correctly. Your Wi-Fi-entitled editor IS blaming a bird for everything that’s not right in the world this morning. You think that’s odd?

Fine. Judge me. Then, try to work without Wi-Fi for a good solid hour. I dare you.

About the Author

Sharon Vollman | Editor-in-Chief, ISE Magazine

Sharon Vollman is Editor-in-Chief of ISE Magazine. She oversees the strategic direction and content for ISE Magazine. She also leads the educational content development for ISE EXPO. Vollman has created educational partnerships with the major communications and entertainment providers including AT&T, Verizon, CenturyLink, Frontier Communications and Cincinnati Bell. She has covered the telecom industry since 1996. Prior to that, she worked in advertising with Ogilvy & Mather and CME. Vollman has a bachelor’s degree in Journalism/Advertising from the University of Iowa.